When I was in sixth grade my father lost his job.
I had just started middle school, which meant both sides of town were attending classes together for the first time. Because the average house size on the south side of town was smaller than on the north side of town, the south side (where I lived) was known as the “poor” side of town. For the record, there was very little that was “poor” about my hometown. Sure it wasn’t Alpine or Franklin Lakes, but it was above the national average.
Also, my family had a summer house. Albeit, it was more of a cottage than a house. But still, I’m pretty sure having a summer house automatically eliminates any opportunity to consider yourself underprivileged.
Despite the summer house, and respectably-sized primary house, I was embarrassed to invite any new friends over after school because my Dad was home during the day. I didn’t want my new classmates thinking my family was poor.
It’s funny that even in sixth grade I was aware of keeping up appearances…
Life is so much easier with hindsight. With hindsight, you can remove the emotion that was so influential in the moment.
Twenty-plus years later I find myself thinking about that period of time and the life lessons I was learning:
1. Live one step below your means.
I think that’s why I didn’t get a pony.
Living one step below their means meant the year my father was unemployed we still went to our summer house. We also took a week-long vacation to the Bahamas. I still got to go back to school shopping, and to my soccer tournaments. The only real difference in my life was that my dad was home at a time when every other dad I knew went to an office.
2. Know when to check your ego.
Additionally, while my father was on a forced hiatus from his job that required a suit, he got a paper route. To help support his family he left the house at 2 or 3 am, stuffed newspapers into plastic bags, and delivered them via car around his assigned neighborhood. It wasn’t glamorous. It wasn’t sexy. It was work he was overqualified for, but he did it because it gave him purpose and a paycheck. After you’ve achieved a certain level of success it’s really easy to believe certain jobs are below you. But when you’ve got 24 hours a day to fill, a mortgage, and a family that depends on you, you need to check your ego and figure out how to survive.
3. Look for ways to create your own opportunities.
Finally, during this career intermission, my father also attempted to start his own business. On Saturday and Sunday afternoons, after soccer games, he would have my brother and I help him canvas neighboring towns with flyers. I hated every second of it. I was always worried we would get in trouble for sticking flyers on strangers’ mailboxes. As scary as getting in trouble was for me, being seen by a classmate and having them judge my family was worse. Clearly, as a sixth grader, I put a lot of stock in what my peers thought of me.
Those fliers worked. He landed some clients. Not enough to replace his previous salary. But enough to feel like the efforts weren’t wasted.
Eventually, he did find full-time employment and my life went back to “normal.”
Today, I’m really appreciative of these lessons.
Photo by Thomas Charters on Unsplash