My January 1st facebook post:
Just assessed my current state in celebration of the new year:
- I spent NYE at a Best Western in Dickson, TN
- I have 13 more hours of driving today before sleeping in my own bed tonight
- I ate Frosted Flakes for breakfast
- I’m technically unemployed
Happy 2017!
(In all seriousness though I have a lot to be grateful for and to be excited about in the coming year.)
I intended that post to be funny, but completely understand why it didn’t come off that way and appreciate the supportive comments from family and friends. And since I have more room here, I want to clarify.
The staff at the Best Western couldn’t have been any nicer. Kori was super welcoming and just delightful when we arrived at almost 10 pm on New Year’s Eve after a long day of driving.
Thirteen hours of driving isn’t so terrible when there is no traffic, the weather is good, and you have spotify so you aren’t limited to whatever is on the radio. It also helps when the destination includes your own bed and frees you from living out of a suitcase.
The breakfast at the Best Western was perfectly acceptable and did offer healthier options. It’s just that I never buy Frosted Flakes. And in that exact moment I believed in my core that Frosted Flakes were the most appropriate breakfast option. I can eat a healthy breakfast the other 364 days of the year when I’m not feeling like a little bit of a loser.
I am unemployed. I’m not embarrassed by this fact (at least not today). It’s business. My company closed at the end of 2016. And as much as I will miss my colleagues and clients, closing the company was absolutely the right decision. The company had stagnated and it was time for all of us to move forward instead of continuing to bump up against the same ceiling indefinitely. Sometimes you need to cut your losses and move on and this was undoubtedly one of those times. I have no regrets.
In fact, there is something wildly liberating about the company I worked for for almost nine years closing. See, I loved the people I worked with – they were family. Sure there were times when we got under each other’s skin, but at the end of the day they were the people I wanted to be in the trenches with creating great work. On top of that, they were good people. And we had great clients. Like, I cried when I had to say good-bye to my longest tenured clients because I will sincerely miss working with them and helping them achieve their goals. But because there was so much love, it was really hard to leave.
With hindsight, I should have left two years ago. It was then that I was offered a senior position and while my gut said, “No, it’s time to go,” the rational part of my brain responded with, “This is what you wanted.” Since I still loved the people I worked with and my clients I talked myself into accepting the role and seeing it through until some more definitive ending.
Well, I’ve now reached that ending and am staring at what I would like to believe is a world of opportunity and possibilities.
I am grateful for this.
I am grateful I am being forced to create my own future.
I’m grateful I don’t have to feel guilty about leaving the company I loved and colleagues who made each day a little better (even when they didn’t). I’m grateful I had the opportunity to work with smart people. People I deeply respected and trusted. People I wanted (and still want) to see succeed and who wanted me to succeed. People who always did the right thing. Always.
I’m grateful I experienced amazing, transformative client/consultant relationships because I won’t settle for less in next role.
Unrelated to work, I’m grateful I now call Austin home. I’m grateful my husband and I were in a position to follow through on this crazy idea we had and move halfway across the country and that so far it’s working out.
I’m grateful people here have been so welcoming and that I’ve found some women with similar interests.
I’m grateful Austin seems like a pretty decent city to start a business, and offers so many free activities since I’m currently on a tight budget while trying to get that business off the ground.
So yeah, my New Year’s Eve may not have been glamorous. And January may be getting off to a slow start. But in the moments when I listen to my gut – when I shut down the fear and doubt and anxiety – I’m really excited about 2017 and the mandate I have to be the master of my own destiny.